Am I being a B**** or is it really over and I need to end it?
Back story. I came back to my home after my fiancé left me and got his co-workers daughter pregnant. I worked at this place and a guy I had liked back in high school was working there too. We hit it off ended up together for about two years and had grown apart (due to the large amount of weed he was smoking after he lost his job). The agreement was that if he wanted to be with me and have a family he had to quit smoking and get a job. We had talked about how I wouldn’t want to share and engagement date with a birthday or holiday and how very picky I am with rings (not because it needs to be large, because I have an allergy to some jewelry and if it is too heavy I can’t stand to wear rings).
At Christmas time my mom took him shopping for me and he said he wanted to give me a pair of earrings so she said well you’re not buying her this cheap crap and took him to a jewelry store, she had a very important phone call and left her credit card with him. He came out with an engagement ring. She swallowed her thoughts and said ok. The night before Christmas we got into a fight over how I wanted to adopt (with good reason to) and he wanted his own and he had a drug problem and came from a family of alcoholics and was going to start have a problem with that if he didn’t watch his drinking. He said he had got me a ring and that I was going to fu** it all up so I agreed to say yes if he agreed to figure out solutions for the problems.
By February he had not tried to change a thing so I thought hard about what I was going to do. I told him I couldn’t wait for him to figure it out anymore. I told him he could stay until he got a place to stay but that he had to stay in the either room.
I really can’t tell you what I was thinking when my co-worker asked me on a date and I said yes like 5 days later but that turned into a relationship…
This is where the real problem to be solved is.
I don’t think I had enough time to get over or past (however you want to say that) the ex before I jumped into this one. He has never had a GF before, was a virgin, still lived at home but had a life outside that home, he had his job for 5 years, had two cars one of which he is restoring, had great credit, was good with money, didn’t do drugs, barley drank and had an odd style but it worked. He said that because his parents had lost to children he would rather adopt too. He wanted to get married later on in life.
He started moving in. We worked in different departments at first then he got promoted and I got moved and he ended up my manager.
The first problem I even had was when I quit smoking cigarettes. About two months after I quit he said if I smoked one he would leave me and we had a bit of an argument over that. I think that I never got over that and still harbor it. Yes I know you should harbor things like that but it is a form of control and I didn’t think it was funny. I wanted to see if he pulled it again and then I would leave.
There was a death in his family and we had some kind of fight or difference before that and said we would talk about it after the funeral. When this conversation took place he happened to mention that his parents to him not to marry the first girl that came along after we started dating. I took that personally and he tried to cover it up with the person who had died only met me twice and loved me. At that point I didn’t know up from down and said we would have to figure it out when I could process what he had said.
He had changed his mind at one point that he didn’t want to get married ever and then by now changed it back to I want to get married and I was at least one kid of my own.
We have never really had little fights and the ones that we did have were work related. The big fights that we have had are still alive in both our heads. I had gone out to my parents and made a joke about living here and he said we should so he looked into it. Thinking he was serious I looked into going to school here. He spun so fast into buying a house in the area that we already lived that I about lost it. After his dad talked some sense into him he decided he wasn’t going anywhere but I had already committed to going to school. So now I am here and he is there and the conversation between us is odd.
So now I am here not really talking to him much because I don’t know how I feel about this and if I should let him go.
I would love to have my own child but I do not believe that you have to have a child of your blood to have a child and I do not believe that a bloodline needs to be kept like he does.
I think that marriage is a scam; you pay .00 for a paper to be sign and say you’re married and then spent ,000 or more to make that paper go away.
Should I end this so he can date and find someone to give him the things he wants?
It isn’t up for quick answers from stoned people, it is there with that info for someone to have the info they need to help me get an answer!
Tags: allergy, cheap crap, christmas, christmas time, co worker, co workers, credit card, earrings, engagement ring, family of alcoholics, good reason, jewelry store, job, mom, night before christmas, phone call, relationship, weed